Election Post-Script: I understand people's fear, and I don't care

I'm going to start this off with a TL;DR. I understand why people are afraid, and I don't care about it. At least a few people I know personally deserve what happened on Tuesday night. Many other people don't. But fear is something we have to deal with, and I've dealt with my share of it and pulled through just fine. With that said, I'll proceed to expand on my thoughts following Donald Trump's election to the Presidency earlier this week. If you are somehow reading this, know that this is a full-disclosure account of my feelings, rational thoughts and otherwise. This is my platform to vent and work through the things going through my mind, and I'm not concerned with offending anyone. It's not meant to be a debate, or a research paper, or anything other than my intellectual sandbox put to paper. Take that as a trigger warning if need be.

First, I want to go back in time. As I mentioned earlier, I understand why people are afraid. I've felt fear in the wake of elections myself. I know, I know, as a white, heterosexual, "cisgender," male, middle-class, suburban Christian, I'm oh-so-privileged and my fears don't compare to the fears of minorities. I say this tongue-in-cheek, and it is in fact a large part of the reason why I don't care that people are afraid now. I will acknowledge up front that this is a flaw, and that I should sympathize with my fellow man, but I'm not going to pretend that I care when I don't. I'm embittered by having my own fears minimized and mocked. I suspect a lot of people are. I felt a very real fear in 2008 when Barack Obama was elected to his first term. In retrospect, it was unwarranted, just as I think people's fears are now. But it was a feeling that I carried, as feelings aren't things we choose to have. Obama ended up being a fairly tame President, and from the looks of things his legacy will be undone with the new Republican administration taking office in early 2017. But there has been some damage done under the Obama administration that is a bit more than just a shade of some of my fears.

As a brief segue on that note, there have been a few high-profile cases that demonstrate the realization of some of my fears. America has become significantly more progressive, and while I think this is for ill it's ultimately not my business what people choose to do in their private lives. In the wake of gay "marriage" coming before the Supreme Court and being legitimized (speaking legally, not cosmically), it's become increasingly apparent that it doesn't end with people's private lives, however. Probably the biggest example is the Sweet Cakes by Melissa case, in which two militant lesbians sued a bakery that didn't want to make them a wedding cake on the ground of faith. It wasn't enough to just go to another bakery that would be willing to do business with them, maybe put Sweet Cakes on blast on social media, boycott them, etc. No, they had to bring the full force of government down on this bakery, in a fine demonstration of exactly what I'm afraid of: the government trampling religious liberty and consensual business transactions in favor of "social justice." This is, I would contend, one of my legitimate fears following the progressive turn of the 2008 election. What we're used to, as Americans, is an exceptionally peaceful, comfortable, and respected position of Christian faith. America is the exception; the rule of history is Christian persecution, and the pendulum is beginning to swing back that way. I know, the Crusades and religion killed more people than anyone else in the history of the world and all the other canned responses that are ignorant of historical fact. The early Christians were persecuted until the Romans realized they could use its unflagging popularity for political expediency. The Middle East today is a much more representative state of Christianity through world history than America is. And while persecution is the rule, and should be expected by Christians as it is one of the defining characteristics of faith laid out in scripture, it's no less terrifying in the context of unprecedented peace. So once again, I understand the fear.

...Anyway I guess that segue wasn't particularly brief.

Second, I want to talk about the words and behaviors of the people who are now apparently fearing for their lives, crying on college campuses, and decrying everyone who disagrees with them as racists, homphobes, xenophobes, misogynists, sexists, transphobes, bigots, etc. You people are precisely the reason Trump won. There's only so much name-calling non-racist, non-homophobic, non-xenophobic, women-respecting, non-sexist, non-transphobic, non-bigoted etc. people will take before they put you in your place by electing a loud, rude, braggadocious, abrasive man to the Presidency. It's a referendum on your absurd, incessant character aspersions. Donald Trump is a scumbag. I'll say that plainly. I voted for him, but I don't support him on a personal level, and many of his comments are ridiculous. I was pretty appalled by the Billy Bush tape, which indicated Trump's flippancy about at worst sexual assault and at best adultery. He insinuated a judge couldn't do his job properly because of the Mexican heritage of that judge's parents. These things are absurd. But they're the backlash. They're the trolling you get when you can't stop yourself from trolling the rest of the decent Americans. Nevertheless, I think the cries of Trump being racist, sexist, etc. are grossly exaggerated. Trump is a man who will do what needs to be done to get ratings. He is a reality star. He follows the money and the publicity. I think the most accurate way to describe him is amoral. To that end, the risk of him actually targeting minorities is very, very, very low. It would do nothing to enhance the Trump brand. So while I understand people's fears, again I don't care. I think they're overblown and exaggerated, and can only possibly exist in an America where every special snowflake is treated with the kind of delicacy that breeds complete and utter frailty in the face of any type of intellectual diversity. Indeed, sticks and stones today are much, much less dangerous than words to the dainty psyches of our younger generations.

Third, I want to talk about not just why these people caused Trump, but also why they deserve him. I mentioned the Sweet Cakes bakery. If you advocate government force upon someone with whom you disagree, you are a bad person and you deserve this. If you use your minority status to inflict harm on the reputation of someone else, then you deserve this. There's one person I know that, extremely long story short, got a man fired and his reputation smeared because of an ill-conceived joke he made. That person deserves this. The woman who went into a screaming tantrum about "sexual harassment" on video because a man called himself "Hugh Mungus" deserves this. The people who decry others as bigots of all stripes without evidence deserve this. This is delicious justice, and I am not ashamed to admit that I love the flavor of their salty tears. This is deeply, deeply satisfying. For once, the shoe is on the other foot.

Fourth, and I suppose finally, I want to talk about policy. People are afraid of losing their health care. Get over it. People close to me lost their jobs because of Obamacare. Why do you deserve your health care more than they deserved to put food on the table? And don't even say "find another job" YOU find another job that offers health care, instead of expecting me to pay for your abortions, your birth control, your "transitioning" hormones, and whatever other nonsense. I don't owe you anything. My sole responsibility is to my family, not to your promiscuity, poor decisions, and delusions. Obamacare is an abomination, and it overjoys me not only that Trump won, but that the Republicans took the majority of Congress and most state governorships as well. Now we can get to work fixing Obamacare (read: taking it out back behind the shed, where it belongs, and putting it down). Health insurance, like all insurance, has always been a gamble; the healthy man gambles that he will become sick, and the insurance company gambles that he won't. Forcing people into gambling is disgusting. I'm sorry that people have pre-existing conditions, but for them it's no longer insurance, it's just subsidized health care. It shouldn't be the healthy man's job to pay for that by government force. That is the place of charity and community volunteering. Believe it or not, those things work. In the past two weeks alone, my community raised $34,000 to aid the family of a young man injured in a horrible car crash. My family has received tremendous support from our church since our father passed away early this year. It works, if you actually encourage people to engage with their communities instead of leeching off nameless strangers. Be a decent person, and people will be decent back to you. But...I guess that's your problem, isn't it? You're not decent. You're petty, slanderous, immoral, selfish scumbags. You're entitled, whiny, and insufferable. I am sorry your parents, your schools, and anyone else who took part in your upbringing made you this way. But now you have the choice to be decent, to listen to others, to engage in an intellectually diverse society that might just have something to offer.

Or you can cry when your candidate loses the election. As long as you do that, I don't care how you feel.

Things and Stuff

"No way," you say, "not a BLOG UPDATE."

These things, they happen.

Whenever I write things like blog posts, I write about what I'm thinking about. These days, I just try to avoid thinking about things, hence I haven't written any blog posts in a while. There exists a remarkable number of ways to completely shut out active thinking in this modern age. All I have to do is immerse myself in any of quite a few mind-numbing trivialities, and I can pass the time between when I wake up in the morning and when I go to sleep at night and enjoy myself at the same time. It's not exactly a fulfilling existence, but on the other hand it's actually quite pleasant.

Unfortunately, these nagging thoughts crop up during the times where I can't distract myself, especially when I'm in the shower or in the car. I've always used shower time as philosophy time, and music from my CD player is easily relegated to the background during my commute. So I still have some times where my mind wanders. And I think to myself, what exactly am I doing with my life? What's my goal?

Well, I don't have one. I'm not a goal-oriented person I guess. I have the vague understanding that I'm not where I want to be, but it's vague because I don't know what "where I want to be" is. At least, I think I don't know. Sometimes I wonder what I would be like to just pick up and go somewhere else, just to start all over like a real life game of Minecraft survival mode, except one with existing infrastructure and actual jobs instead of chopping trees with my bare fists.

I'm like a kiddie pool full of water--potentially useful, but stagnant because it's been so long since I've bothered to dump it out and clean it and put fresh water in. Wow, that analogy works way too well. I think I've finally realized that you can't use bitterness and anger as a coping mechanism, but now that I've realized it I've got to find a way to come to terms with some things. That's the tricky part, the thing that I'm avoiding, the proverbial toad that I don't want to swallow.

It's time for a quick aside on that last euphemism. Possibly one of the best pieces of advice I've received from another person was a rather strange one: swallow the toad. In my second-to-last semester of college, the spring semester of my senior year (because I completely nuked the fall semester and failed every one of my four classes, in case whoever chances to read this isn't aware) I was in a capstone class, which was a big group project that spanned the entire semester. About midway through, I started to flake on my group--I was that guy, yes--because I was a terrible student and an irresponsible person and I also thought I had nothing useful to contribute to the group. My professor caught wind of this from my group, and called me into his office for a private talk. 

He was visibly angry, and I didn't want to be anywhere near that office. I gave my weak explanation that I'd had a lot of personal stuff happen and I wasn't in a good place (which was true, but also worthlessly vague), and my professor was extremely understanding. He knew my exact predicament: things were starting to spiral out of control, because each time I encountered something difficult or daunting, I stuck my head in the sand to avoid it. "Swallow the toad," he said. What he meant was to take that difficult, ugly thing I had to do and just get it over with. Every day, to look at that thing I was really dreading, and just do it without pausing to consider its unpleasantness.My first step was to apologize to my group for being a useless group mate and move forward from there. I think this might be the singular thing I took away from any of my college classes. I wasn't one of those people that ever knew professors on a personal level, but I'm glad this one took the time to see a problem and talk with me one-on-one.

What I've come to realize is, instead of swallowing all the toads in my life, I've been finding other ways to avoid their unpleasantness. I want to just get it all over with, but it's hard. They're ugly. I'm afraid of the reactions. I know those things shouldn't matter, that I should do the things that are right to do, but I struggle with it. Maybe this writing will prove to be an exercise in moving closer to doing what I need to do. Maybe I'll spend some more time crippled by doubt and indecision. I don't know. But these things are catching up to me too quickly, and driving my life into the middle of nowhere. On the way I can find the driving enjoyable, sure, but the fact that it doesn't lead to anything useful means it's just a waste of time.

Whew, that was cathartic. I think I need some lunch now.

Rose-Tinted Baseball

I was really hoping that just starting a new blog post would give me some ideas. I only have my best ideas when I'm completely unable to write them down (typically in the shower or in the car).

I've decided that I'm entirely too topical about blog posts. Usually I end up coming here to vent about some current issue that's bugging me, but I'm tired of doing that (and there are too many issues bugging me at any given time). I'm putting away my soapbox, at least for the time being.

I was sitting on the couch last night, just listening to some music and really wanting to go to Cook Park to go on the swings. That's something I haven't done in quite a while. It would be like a throwback to summers past, when I spent a lot of my time at Cook Park.

Actually, that reminds me of something that's really quite sad: I don't miss announcing at Colonie Little League. I mean, in a sentimental sense I do. I used to really love going to the park and watching the games. But I'm glad I got out, and I actually think I stayed at least a year too long. That place is a depressing shell of what it used to be. By external appearances, it's just dandy; there's a nice new scoreboard, some bigger bleachers, fresh uniforms that have individualized player names on the back. But that's all there is to it. It's shallow. It's evident that no one cares. The level of competitiveness is pathetic. Few children are actually learning how to play baseball. Player participation is low, which is obvious from the number of teams that have been cut over just a single year. In 2004 there were ten teams in the Major division, and eight in the Intermediates. Now there are six and four, respectively. The Pee-Wee division used to have kids pitching, striking out batters by their own effort, or walking them. Now the coaches have to step in to help, once the pitcher throws four balls. From time to time they would make double plays and hit home runs. Eight- and nine-year-old kids, and their coaches, used to bring their A-game to the field. And this is not just nostalgia. I played in the league for eight years, and stuck around to watch for the next twelve. I've seen what kids are capable of doing on the field.

Contrary to what might seem like common sense, high-scoring games are the mark of really bad teams, not really good ones. I can name exactly one game where an incredibly dominant team played a very good team and won in a massive blowout, and that was in 2009 when Vellano Brothers beat VFW by a score of something like 21-3. And that was due to no fault of VFW's; Vellano Brothers simply had some of the most terrifyingly good hitters I have ever seen, and their pitching staff was brutally effective.

It's not like that anymore. That's the glorious past, something I don't expect to ever see again. In some ways, this is a weird parallel for how life feels, though not necessarily how it goes. I know we tend to look at the past through rose-tinted glasses. (The difference, of course, is that I have every single scorebook I kept between 2005 and 2011. I have physical records that paint a picture of the decline of Colonie baseball. It's not just my memory reconstructing things differently than they actually were.) But it's still sad, and sometimes I really do wonder if the unreachable past really was the best life was ever going to get. And I'm not just speaking on a personal scale. I don't like a lot of what's going on in the world around me. Things are downright discouraging. I honestly don't know what I can do to make things look better for moving forward.

I want to just go on the swings, like I used to do, but I know that won't change a thing. Trying to emulate the past won't just bring it back. I'm unhappy. I'm bored. I want something more out of life, like that feeling of moving up in the world that I got in the summer of 2008 when I first worked a full-time job. I want some...thing, some ineffable thing that will make me feel like I'm actually living, not just coasting along from one day to the next, ever anticipating the coming weekend. And no, I'm not depressed. I'm just dissatisfied. Restless. Unfulfilled.

I'm open to suggestions, by the way. You know, if somebody actually reads this.